Thread: The Rant Thread
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Old 09-01-2017, 08:05 PM
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Plague Kitty Plague Kitty is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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My mom just called me on the phone. My tone was....dead. There was no life in my voice. Not a hint of life but I tried to make an effort. She noticed it and I lied about how I was tired from cleaning. She laughed and I got angry because it reminded me of last night. I was trying to explain to her where it went wrong with my sister (when I was in the shower and she just slammed the door all of a sudden and was a bitch to me the rest of the day and there I was, thinking we had a lovely day on Wednesday! I was totally in the dark! And still am!) and she kept laughing. I guess my niece was doing something cute and my mom was giggling over it or maybe my brother was doing something. But I kept repeating myself and she just interrupted me with laughter. I had enough and abruptly said, "Okay, goodbye". She was saying something but I...........I hung up on her. I started to tear up because I was trying to explain and she just wasn't listening to me. I felt alone. Normally, I'm good with that but this type was different and depressing. It was near 9pm (thought it was 8pm) when I called her and I didn't stop crying until midnight, got a strong headache and then finally drifted off sleep at 3am.

Anyway, she called me today and apparently, my sister was mad at me yesterday because she told me to take a quick shower because my cousin's husband was going to unclog the shower. Uhm, she never told me shit. The only thing she told me was that she was going to move the TV so she could install the new AC. Then I fell asleep (because of the heat) and when I woke up, she wasn't there. So, she better not fucking be saying that she told me because she did not! My mom went on about how I got mad over the phone with my sis because she didn't wanna give me any money yesterday (new ep by a fav band came out). I actually laughed at that because I wasn't even mad as I said "Okay" when my sis said she was going to pay me today.

I swear, my sister is just grasping at straws at this point! And I say that brutally honest! I don't know if she's taking her anger out on me as some kind of revenge thing for lashing out at her 3 weeks ago or maybe using me as a punching bag for divorcing that son of a bitch. I don't fucking know what her problem is with me but for some reason, she thinks I'm just full of anger. And another thing! She looks at my face, sees that it's serious, assumes I'm mad or bothered and takes that as the truth. She always asks me what's wrong. To be perfectly honest? If my face is serious, it's either because I'm freaking out inside (anxiety) and desperately thinking about anything to keep myself from running out the door. Or it's either because I'm calm and thinking about what to eat later on or what to shop for, what looks witchy, what would Chelsea Wolfe buy. Or I'm just thinking about what song or band to play next on my phone. There. That is literally all I think about when I'm out shopping. It's always the same each time. Nothing else! No anger, no annoyance. Is it any wonder I hide my face with my hair? Because they're always looking at my face, seeing what they want to see, taking it as truth and never ever ever ever ASKING ME STRAIGHT OUT. And if they do ask what's wrong and I say nothing is wrong (and there is nothing wrong, I feel pretty good!), they don't believe me. So, is it any wonder?! Now that I cut my hair, they have more access to my face because it's totally open and it terrifies me. I never thought of this when I cut my hair. If I did, I wouldn't have gone through with it.

Anyway, my mom started to talk to me about my money. I interrupted her and said that I didn't want to talk about this over the phone. I wanted to talk face-to-face. She said, "Okay, bye" and hung up. I await her arrival because I will fight for it! Yes, I pay the rent. Yes, I pay for my food but can I have some money to spend for JUST ME? Can I be allowed that? $50 every month. Hell, I'll settle (alright, I'll learn to settle and accept it!) with $40 or $30 but at least it's something for me to spend for myself. Is that asking for too much? Okay, fine, I won't buy music anymore and my brother can even stalk my Paypal activity all he fucking wants if it makes him so happy. But I need to be apart of The Birthday Massacre's Walking With Strangers anniversary pledge campaign! This album is so near and dear to me and I am not going to miss out on it!

Last edited by Plague Kitty; 05-09-2018 at 05:41 AM.
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