The Holiday Slaughter - A first chapter

[yeancientone]

The Holiday Slaughter
by Robin Dwyer-Hickey

I should probably preface this by saying this is a fictional day dream and the characters are loosely based on some of the band members of The Birthday Massacre and my perception of them as private individuals. No mockery or insult is intended and I really hope this doesn't upset them or their fans. In fact, they are one of my favourite bands and I suppose this is some kind of homage to them. I also don't want to upset Hungarians - I'm aware that the few who appear in this chapter are rather bizarre, so I'd like it to be known I bear the country no ill will and had a fabulous time when I went to Budapest.

And, of course, I claim copyright of this story - please don't distribute it or share it without acknowledging me as the author. Comments and criticism are welcome.

I've also posted this on Deviant Art, here: http://yeancientone.deviantart.com/a...acre-155938443

1 Introducing the Band

The show ended with a bang. Zooz went deaf in one ear for the rest of the tour and kept bumping into lamp posts. She photographed them all and posted them on the internet when she had time. The manager berated the roadies, but he never found out exactly who had rigged the fireworks. The band was fledgling, so no one was fired because no one was superfluous.

They used their fake names so much in interviews that they spilled onto practice sessions and finally into everyday conversation. They all agreed that when they got home to Toronto it would be strange to hear their friends say their real names.

The tour bus rattled and the driver's belly rippled like an ocean. Spectrum became fascinated with the man and his seemingly tempestuous flesh. He took notes, sketched the driver and shared his bizarre thoughts with Zooz. "You're crazy, let me get some sleep!" she groaned.

They passed from western to eastern Europe and the world was less sanitised. Fey noticed that the driver had a knack of going to the toilet at exactly the same time as him, as if their urinal clocks were sychronised. Spectrum noticed this too and made a range of suggestive comments that amused and disturbed everyone.

Razor was the only member of the band who did not get sick during the tour. He was always placid and clinical, tapping away at his laptop with his earphones on. Spectrum mimicked the way he stroked his chin when he was composing.

Fey wrote a letter to his mother, knowing she would never check the email account he had set up for her. He did not mention the explosion or Zooz's deafness.

"Hi mom,

"Tours going well. Europe is a trip. We are getting tired and miss comforts of home! I miss you and the cats. I broke my glasses in Germany and ended up getting contacts fitted. It happened so quickly - they were ready the next day. So I'll be looking less studious. I thought I'd be squeamish, but it's okay really.

"Love, Martin"

Zooz missed her cat and drew pictures of her on the misty windows of the bus. Spectrum drew armies of marching penises in his sketchbook and Razor made a rare humourous comment. "I hope you don't kiss your mother with those thoughts."

Spectrum frowned, bothered at being out-weirded. "I do, so there," he said, slamming the book shut. Razor went back to his composing. And Spectrum started to call him muffin-top for no earthly reason.

"You guys are disgusting," said Zooz, rising from her cushion. She saw the bus behind them, which carried the roadies and their tour manager, break down for the fourth time in a week. "Aw, crap. Stop the bus! Arrete!" The driver slammed the breaks on unceremoniously and cursed with all the vigour he could muster after seven hours on the road.

January fourteenth was Budapest and the Hungarians were bizarre, photographing the band huddled together in a wooden crate and dangling from fake nooses. The photographer was very charismatic and by the end of the session Fey was flirting with her outrageously. Since he was the pretty boy of the band, she used him to balance out Razor's gloom and Spectrum's clowning. Fey wasn't back on the tour bus until midnight and he looked traumatised.

Zooz pouted, the only member of the band still awake. "Did that nasty Hungarian hurt you?"

Fey just nodded and went to bed, but Zooz observed that he lay on his back with his hands steepled, deep in thought.

Their next gig was at a festival outside Budapest in some unpronouceable hellhole. The crowd were ludicrously enthusiastic and a gaggle of girls clambered onto the stage and molested poor Fey. Some of the roadies hauled them all off. They were all laughing hysterically as they were dragged away.

After the show they had burgers in a cigarette infested eatery. "Hysterical fans. It's like being in the fucking Beatles," said Spectrum. After a moment's thought he added, "Except they only like two of us."

Zooz raised her eyebrows. "And which two is that?"

Spectrum faked a pompous tone. "I think we all know." Fey looked genuinely confused and Spectrum snorted in exasparation. "Oh come on. It's not me and it's not muffin-top."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" said Razor. The battery had died on his laptop and he was participating in conversations.

Zooz laughed. "Because you're a muffin-top." She and Spectrum high-fived and Razor growled to himself.

"Muffin-top," said Spectrum with his mouth full.

Zooz slapped him on the face and he looked shocked. "Don't talk with your mouth full, boy," she said sternly.

Spectrum retained his astounded look. "You really can be an uber-bitch, you know that?"

"Someone has to keep you in line," she said, with a sweet smile and a wink.

Fey laughed and left for the toilet. He met the driver in there. They stood side by side at the urinals. He looked up as he pissed. The driver looked down and he might have been measuring Fey's penis. Fey looked down to see that the driver's eyes were definitely focused on something other than his own business. He did not wait to empty his bladder, but left in a hurry.

When Fey got back the others had left and he walked alone to the tour bus. He got lost, then got the feeling he was being followed. The street turned sharply into a dead end strewn with garbage. He turned round and the girls from the gig were there, five of them in a semi-circle facing him. "Hello, Fey," said one of them in a delicious accent.

"Uh, hi," he said, hoping they were going to let him past.

They deliberately covered all his avenues of escape and closed in as if they were holding knives. "We can have an autograph?" said the delicious one.

"Yeah, I guess, I don't have a pen."

Another of the girls produced a flick knife and they all pulled their sleeves up. "You sign our arms, please."

Fey's eyes widened. He took the knife by reflex, but wasn't sure how to open it. The delicious one demonstrated for him then returned the knife to his hand. Fey's hand shivered as he cut into the skin and the girls showed only the faintest reaction. They focused on his face and stroked his wispy hair. "You are very handsome. We have a fan club for you, on internet."

"Oh," Fey said, increasingly alarmed, but feeling trapped. He nearly threw up as he drew first blood and the girls sighed. "That's nice. I have to go."

[CONTINUED IN NEXT POST]

[yeancientone]

[CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS POST]

A shower of goodbyes and it was over. Five insane girls bleeding and admiring their arms. Fey trotted back to the tour bus and told the band. After expressing their horror, they all went silent and had dark thoughts about the girls returning. Spectrum finally broke the silence with a belch. "I think those burgers had people in them."

Zooz guffawed and they got ready for the next long drive. It was night and only Zooz and Spectrum were awake, playing two-dimensional games on Razor's laptop. It was Spectrum's turn and Zooz postulated while he jabbed and cursed at the keys. "Those girls," said Zooz, "I kind of think we haven't seen the last of them."

"Bullshit. They won't follow us across the country. You're just jealous."

Zooz thumped him on the back. "Fuck off. Why would I be jealous?"

Spectrum was silent for a while, then said, "You hate being number two. Don't hit me."

Zooz pulled her punch away. "I so don't care! If there's one thing I'm not, it's a narcissist."

Spectrum grinned and glanced at her. "I taught you that word."

"Fuck off - I'm not talking to you."

Spectrum shook his head. "I didn't say you were a narcissist. It's perfectly natural for the frontwoman to get jealous."

"I always walk off the stage early to let you guys get the love."

"And we appreciate that. I never said you were selfish either. Just jealous of pretty boy."

"You're infuriating. I'm going to bed."

"No, I want you to see this end of level boss."

"Okay," said Zooz. She peered over his shoulder. "Oh that is so dumb. How can he even walk?"

"Pixels, Zooz, on a screen."

"Shut-up."

Spectrum jabbed rapidly at the space bar and they were both bathed in blue light from the screen. Fey started to snore and Zooz threw a Clive Barker novel at him.

"That's it," said Spectrum, "Give in to your anger - only your hatred can destroy him."

"Star Wars."

"Correct."

"Oh!" said Zooz as the boss exploded in a shower of stars.

"Bedtime - we got a matinee."

Zooz gave a mournful cat sound and stomped across the bus to retrieve her book from Fey. "Sorry Clive."

"Is that any good?"

Zooz studied the cover. "I suppose so. Haven't got far into it yet. It might be a little low brow for you. Goodnight."

Spectrum tutted. "I make exceptions for Clive Barker. Night."