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  #6841  
Old 01-03-2018, 03:06 AM
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really happy, warm, fuzzy feelings
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  #6842  
Old 01-04-2018, 01:13 AM
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I was feeling perfectly fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine until my mom fucking ruined it for me and filled me with pure anxiety and restlessness! So, fucking thanks mom! -.-

She asked me if my money came in (my sis took out the money yesterday) because my sis hasn't given her any money (she likes to keep it in safe hiding because my sis has a habit of.......stealing). I tried to "rip the band-aid off" and called her up to give me the money now. I waited for about 5 minutes until I called her again where she told me to wait because she was watching a movie or some shit. Had she not heard of this thing called "The Pause Button?" It's a straighter version of this symbol right here! =

In my restlessness and anxiety, I offered to pay my sis a visit but my mom snapped at me "Crystal, NO!!!". So, here I am all angry and so anxious that my entire body is just...humming and I just want to jump out of my fucking skin. I'm trying to relax but I can't *sighs* Yeah, it looks like I'm not talking to my mom for a while. I tried to fucking help and take action but she snapped at me. What kind of shit is that? Why the flying fuck is she asking me where the money is?!? She knows how I feel about that. Whatever. Looks like I'm calling it an early night so I can listen to music in the dark.
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  #6843  
Old 01-04-2018, 10:29 PM
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hungry and excited to watch another horror movie :D
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  #6844  
Old 01-05-2018, 08:56 PM
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excited
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  #6845  
Old 01-05-2018, 09:09 PM
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fuzzzyy
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  #6846  
Old 01-08-2018, 03:03 AM
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Amazed at how I'm able to stop myself from punching the living daylights out of my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I've never punched anybody in my life (just playfully)! But as of today, I'm choosing to not give in to her bullshit and instead, choosing to give in to creative energies and using them as an outlet.

Other than that, I feel good. Great even! Hell, amazing! My mom left 2 hours ago to my brother's house for the week. Do you know how fucking happy I am right now? I could practically fucking cry! I honestly can't remember the last time I was alone in the guest house
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Last edited by Plague Kitty; 01-10-2018 at 12:52 PM. Reason: Typo!
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  #6847  
Old 01-08-2018, 12:19 PM
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Bored...I want that drive to arrive ASAP.
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  #6848  
Old 01-12-2018, 09:41 PM
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alright, bit hungry and excited for some reason
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  #6849  
Old 01-13-2018, 08:00 AM
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A little better. A few hours ago, I heard some guy arguing with some other guy outside my window (there's an alleyway-I'm not too happy about that). A few minutes later, I heard him saying he was gonna r*** his mom as he was beating him up. That made me feel very uneasy and anxious. My hands were shaking and were sweaty because.....that's not something anybody (especially a woman!) should be hearing. Thankfully, I didn't hear the sound of gunshots (or a woman screaming from inside the house!) as the guy went back inside his car and drove away. This is the 2nd time I've heard the same guy arguing. I was just thinking to myself.....why the fuck does it have to be right outside my window??? God, just when I think I've heard just about everything I hope he doesn't come back again :/
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  #6850  
Old 01-15-2018, 09:43 PM
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bit tired (especially around my eyes) and also feeling pretty great about today
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  #6851  
Old 01-16-2018, 09:52 AM
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Unhappy

Still bored, as well as concerned about my package having read about the courier delivering it.
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  #6852  
Old 01-17-2018, 09:15 PM
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Frustrated at how slow eBay's Global Shipping Program is overall, especially the last leg of the journey.
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  #6853  
Old 01-22-2018, 11:06 AM
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Determined to stay awake. But otherwise, pretty damn good! Just a little hungry and really cold.
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  #6854  
Old 01-28-2018, 01:36 AM
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pretty full, sleepy and anxious a bit
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  #6855  
Old 04-14-2018, 06:50 AM
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Confused by Wednesday's events. My mom woke me up by screaming at me. I thought an earthquake occurred or something. So, I was in a panic (but wanting to go back to sleep). Apparently, we were supposed to go grocery shopping and I was supposed to know that. Buuuuuuut! No one felt the need to inform me the night before. Once at the store, I got a little bit (I've gotten used to buying food for the week) and that somehow annoyed at my mom. I got a little mad because how the fuck am I supposed to know if they don't fucking tell me?!?! She told me that now I'm going to have to come back next week to grab more stuff. That somehow hurt me and I was on the verge of tears. Nearing the checkout lane, she asked me why I didn't grab more stuff and I just went off and got more food just to shut her the fuck up. Once in my cousin's truck, my hair hiding part of my face and my dark sunglasses on, I let the tears flow. Came home, put the stuff away, took a shower, cried a little more and then ate something because I didn't even get to eat anything before. Shopping while hungry is not a good thing to do (I've done it once and bought a whole bunch of crap)! Luckily, I just bought the things I needed the most. I skipped dinner that night. I just wanted to lay down. By 6am, my thoughts turned to wondering why I was alive. I'm not sure how the fuck it happened but it did. I drifted off to sleep, exhausted from crying.

On Thursday, I was feeling a little bit better. I was even willing to talk to my mom like everything was fine but she was with her smart ass attitude and I went back to being angry. By 8pm, she told me that she made some chicken and stuff. I ended up adding orange marmalade to it just to give it some flavor. I have noooooooo idea why but I felt like a genius when I added that stuff to that plain, flavorless chicken. I couldn't help but smile. I only grabbed a little bit. Then yesterday, it made me sick. It's still making me sick. My entire body feels like it's being pricked by needles. I feel weak. I'm fucking starving. I'm so god damn hungry but everything I put in my mouth, I just spit out and if I do ingest something (earlier, I ate a few blueberry waffles and a bit of soup that I ate at night), I get sick. I despise oranges right now. I don't even wanna see anything orange!!!! Stupid fucking flavorless chicken. Why the fuck didn't I listen to my gut that said "Leave it, grab something else!"?!?!?!?

Later on today, I have a baby shower to go to (right in our backyard) for a cousin I really don't care for. Last Saturday, I went to a bday party of my cousin (the one gave us a place to stay) where I had no one to talk to. I was left alone at the table, looking at people and listening in on conversations. I ended up just slinking away, unnoticed, back home. My mom came home and told me that there was no one within my age-group (everyone was in their 40s and above. No one was near 27 yrs old). So, that night I ended up getting a headache because of all the fucking crying.

This is not my month, I think. I haven't cried since September (my doctor told me I was unhealthy or whatever and one night, out of the blue, I felt ugly and disgusting). I was seriously going for the record of months passing by without crying a single tear. I have been sad but not enough to start crying. What else.......uhm, I did have plans of going out on my birthday (coming up this Sunday). I even had an outfit picked out (in my head, at least) and I had plans of going to Home Goods and going on a little shopping spree and just having the time of my fucking life. But with my current state (being sick from a virus, weak and depressed), I don't think it's going to happen. But oh well, there's always another day.
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