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  #1441  
Old 08-13-2015, 03:05 AM
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Dear diary,

I am having a panic attack. Not a heart attack. A panic attack.

The news that my sister shared on my Facebook is FAKE. The girl didn't die because she wore earphones and fell asleep, listening to music on her phone. She died because she overdosed on pills. Link right fucking here!
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  #1442  
Old 07-04-2016, 05:17 PM
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I am so stressed by my current job. i need a new one. anything that has to do with remembering details is a challenge to me. my mother helped me apply as a patient transport in her health network..i hope i get the job i wouldnt mind working with people. sitting behind a desk taking calls from clients sucks and its hard to pull all the information out. oh well..in due time shall the burden heal.
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  #1443  
Old 07-05-2016, 06:58 AM
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Dear Diary,

I am currently listening to TBM's remastered tracks on my nice new working earphones. d^_^b Listening to any TBM or Gorillaz tracks is like an orgasm for my ears, or an eargasm. I cannot wait to hear their new albums. I should probably keep up with Gorillaz more the same way I do TBM.

I wonder how 2D and The Pickle Man himself are doing...

*sighs* well anyways I am looking forward to more delicious updates from the band and I hope TBM release more instrumentals and demos. Oh ya, and I cannot wait to see them on tour.

TBM4EVA!!! xoxoxo

Love, Kennedy.
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Did I do it right?
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  #1444  
Old 07-13-2016, 05:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoomScarf View Post
Did I do it right?
You did

Dear diary,

I want to know what it means to be 25 years old. I want a Girls' Night out. And no, not with my fucking sister. Jesus fucking Christ, not with her x.x She's not really "fun" anymore. I wanna go out. I wanna go crazy. For a night. With someone x.x I wanna be the one that Chibi is singing to in the "Science" song.

Wake you up
Pull you out
Talk you up to calm you down
Turn it up to scream and shout

I don't know. :/ I just want someone that knows me so damn well that they know when it's time for a Girls' Night.
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  #1445  
Old 10-25-2016, 03:57 PM
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Dear Diary,

It sucks realizing you care so much more than a lot of others have..almost like I feel used for just some good times. I know there are more people out there like me who genuinely care, just wish I could find them so I didn't feel so lonely when it comes to these type of things.

It's either me that has to change or the world and I really doubt the latter is gonna happen...


- Dolly

P.S. Fake people really suck, I'd like to stop finding them!
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  #1446  
Old 11-02-2016, 08:39 AM
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Dear diary,

I'd rather be crazy than vermin.
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  #1447  
Old 11-02-2016, 06:36 PM
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Dear Diary,

I'm super worried that my package won't arrive and there's gonna be problems (considering all of the overall bad reviews of this carrier company) I really, really, really, REALLY want and need this so I don't wanna get a refund.

Hoping that everything will work out, even if I have to wait a few days but also trying not to keep my hopes up too high

- Dolly
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  #1448  
Old 06-07-2017, 03:28 AM
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Dear diary,

I'll try not to let their stress get to me I'll just focus on what I have to do (take out everything from the bags and organize them as best as I possibly can!) tomorrow. I'll wake up, shower, get dressed, have a nice breakfast, blast Chelsea Wolfe's music and get to work. Then relax. Hopefully my sister doesn't bother me too much. I seriously think that's rude that they had the nerve to enter my new guest house, stand in the middle and have a loud argument. Yes, they are sharing my bathroom and kitchen spaces but I think they're getting in over their heads about how safe and private this guest house really is. I think they're taking advantage and I think I need to step up and address it. I'm not even going to explain to them the reasons because fuck that shit. They don't deserve it. I'm just going to tell them to respect me.

I'm not having that shit. I am sorry but I am done! I'm done hearing them argue. I don't want them to get comfortable and think it's perfectly okay to come in whenever they want and have an argument in the middle of my guest house. I'm paying the rent ($800-pretty good price considering the lovely amount of space!) and they should be happy that I'm even letting them step foot in here and have their shit in my bathroom shower and counters. I know I said in an earlier post that it was out of my hands and it was my mom's say so but.....I can tell them to get out. I can raise my voice and get really stern. My voice may be quiet and timid but once you really piss me off (and I mean really piss me off), the sound of thunder might as well come out instead of words It's just really forceful and full of passionate hate, frustration and a tiny bit of desperation. Sometimes it even scares me.

This is my place. My private, lovely sacred space. This guest house is mine (and my mom's but I mostly stay in here since my mom is at work all day long) and I'm not going to let them invade it with their bullshit. I'm trying to create a lovely atmosphere and they're coming in with their....I don't know. They're just fucking invading it. I'm so tired. I'm going to bed. It's midnight and I've been up since 9am. I might continue this later on.
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  #1449  
Old 07-30-2017, 11:16 PM
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Dear Diary,

I am so grateful to have them in my life, they give me lots of positivity and light in this long dark tunnel. If it wasn't for them, I'd feel I would have completely given up on a lot of different things. I wish I would have paid more attention to them in the past rather than all those who are no longer in my life but I guess I had some lessons to learn. Thank god they never gave up on me

I really do hope they know what they mean to me and how special they are. Hope things continue to get better from here on out

- Dolly
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  #1450  
Old 09-02-2017, 09:24 PM
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Dear Diary,

I'm really happy things have been going much better at home lately, hope it continues this way. Also in life overall there's not too much bad, which I'm very thankful for. I hope I can continue to move on away from the past and become even more positive and better myself. Hope I also remember this for when dark times do come

- a very grateful Dolly
xo
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  #1451  
Old 09-04-2017, 09:52 PM
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Dear Diary,

You should do a routine like this every night to feel better about yourself. Will also help you in various ways Keep getting better at being productive and positive!

- Dolly
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  #1452  
Old 06-09-2019, 06:22 PM
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Dear diary,

I shouldn't feel silly that I'm working on something for Lauren. After all she's given me, it's the least I can do for her! But yet, I feel silly.

*Sighs* Heh, Lauren She's so awesome. I feel like we connect. We have similar childhoods and relationships with our mothers. She tells an experience and that's exactly what I went through! :O I get goosebumps. And our 'love languages' (she asked me what my love language was-I had no idea there was even such a thing as a love language) are the same. Physical touching and quality time! It took me a full hour to realize that my results were the same as hers. Then once knowing that, I got excited for some reason So no doubt if and when we meet next year, we're probably going to be grabbing hands or putting a hand on one's arm to call attention to something and ignoring our phones. She's never been to the US so she's going to probably be enchanted by Hollywood. I really doubt Lauren visits this section of the board or even goes on this board at all but......between you and me, diary, I've been to Hollywood loads of times but I want to see it through her eyes. I want to experience it with her. Maybe I'll find something new to love about something I considered boring and in an "I've seen it a thousand times, yawn. Let's keep walking" sort of way.

I don't know, I just hope she'll be excited to see me. I had an experience with a woman in 2012. We were She was from Chicago. I was going to move in with her and when she got out of the cab, she was annoyed and serious. Meanwhile, I was like "Omg, you're here! :D". I got my luggage and went with her to the train station. She told me that she forgot the train tickets. Let me say it once more for you. Once at the train station and while sitting down, she tells me that she forgot the fucking train tickets. Like, are you fucking kidding me? I think I said that to her face. I didn't have enough money with me to pay for my ticket. I think they had theirs but she forgot mine. She tried to rent a car. Got denied. Went to the bus station. Something went wrong with the computers or something. The only option to get out of Los Angeles was through the airport and I just couldn't fucking do it. I was scared of flying. Soooo! I went back home. I didn't even say goodbye to her. I just left her. There was zero chemistry between us. Hell, while we were ordering food, she was screaming at the servers behind the counter (it wasn't even that loud!). I remember inching away from her and looking all around me, completely fucking mortified! Really wishing the ground would open up and Hades (I love the Greek mythology of Persephone. I relate with her-the whole overprotective-but-cold-mother aspect) appears to take me away from that woman Went to a hotel, slept and in the morning, she was begging me to get over my fear and I broke down crying because of said fear and I called my brother up to come get me. Once checked out, she blamed the universe for cursing her. Meanwhile, I took it as a personal sign from God that I was not meant to go with this woman to Chicago. Probably sounds fucking crazy but what else can one be left to think??? Too many coincidences in one fucking day! Come on. And the only way out was through a way that it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to take! It's like God knew that and yup! I didn't go with her. It just wasn't my fate. Not with her. While she was crying to someone on the phone, I was just not having it. She embarrassed me in public by screaming at people, wasn't in her full senses that maaaaybe she was being a little rude and arrogant in the way she was screaming and take in the consideration of the quiet location, didn't apologize after and care enough, forgot the fucking train tickets and break down crying, on the fucking phone with someone else, whining that it was "because of the curse" that all this was happening. I didn't even say goodbye. I just turned right the fuck around and got in my brother's car. I broke up with her either that same night or the next morning, I can't remember. Years later, she emails me that she got engaged to.....get this! Ready? The guy she's been cheating on me with the entire fucking time we were making plans to move in together! :D Ta-da! You can just imagine my reaction. You'll probably be surprised. I wasn't listening to The Cure's "Apart" or "Pictures Of You". I wasn't eating a whole pint of ice cream. I was actually laughing. I knew there was a reason something kept happening to prevent me from going and there it was. I got saved from not only heartache but being heartbroken in a city I was not familiar with and was far away from affording to go back home!

So, I hope Lauren doesn't scream at people for no reason when there's clearly no need to, tells me we're in deep shit when the shit has already hit the fan and it's clear that the situation has gone to shit, uses a bullshit excuse instead of taking responsibility. *sighs* It's strange. I know I can be myself with her but yet, I still feel the need to reign it in (it's that protective side that has been ghosted so many times by lots of people) but then again, she opens up and I feel like I can let my guard down again. Then I notice that my words would be read as clingy so I kind of shut off and write distant/vague words. Maybe one day, I'll ask her if it's safe to relax in her presence and not worry about this shit.
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