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  #6856  
Old 04-20-2018, 03:38 AM
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Meh.
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  #6857  
Old 04-22-2018, 12:30 PM
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loved
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  #6858  
Old 04-26-2018, 01:24 AM
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I feel offended and pissed off. It's been a couple or few days that I've been feeling this way and I'm fed up. I posted about it 2 days ago but I deleted it because it didn't really read well I'll just get the gist of it down real quick. *sighs* My nephew been heavily into his PS4 online gaming that he doesn't really wanna do much of anything! He was supposed to graduate from middle school but he's gonna have to repeat middle school again because his grades are total shit. We all graduated from middle school (but I was the only one that graduated from high school though-a fact that I'm still proud of today! ). He told my sis "What's the point of graduating from middle school?". He's 13 yrs old. Oh and apparently he's been using me as some sort of role model for his bad behavior!

I have social anxiety (and other things at play) and so I can't work. I get help from from the Gov. on a monthly basis. I pay my fair share of rent and buy my own groceries and such. I sleep late and wake up late sometimes. College is not for me because I really don't deal well with pressure and deadlines. I'm an introvert and I've got a couple of hobbies that keep my entertained, relaxed (digital art and coloring in adult coloring books) and happy. I'm pretty happy with what I've got in my life so far. Well, for the most part, anyway! So yeah, I'm really offended that he's using me as some sort of role model for him not wanting to do anything. I haven't talked to my mom or sis about it because I do not want to talk to them. I really have nothing to say to them. They've been treating me coldly lately. My mom sighing in disappointment and my sis talking about me or talking to me directly as if I'm the one that started every thing. Like I'm the one to blame! And anyway, even if I do talk to them about it, they're gonna go on a lecture and it's just gonna depress the fuck out of me and I'm trying to get away from depression (although, last night, it really hit me and I had thoughts of "I'm a failure, what the fuck am I doing with my life? I'm 27........." plagued me and I broke down in tears for a while).

Every time I see my nephew (when he skips happily to the bathroom and takes an hour to **** AND take a shower-so, 2 hrs in the bathroom x.x Not to mention, he sometimes leaves used Q-Tips inside the shower!) I just need to learn how to calm down, just ignore him and try to forget how he views me (lazy). Because carrying this and holding onto this anger......it's not doing me any kind of good! I think what's best for me right now is to try to close myself off and channel all this into some creative outlet and get some good music going. Talking to them isn't an option I'm willing to take. At least not with their current moods! I don't wanna add fuel to the fire because I'm the one that's going to end up burning (with their lecture). So, it's really safe to just stay away, turn to creative outlets, learn how to remain calm and become happy again and just let the dust settle
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  #6859  
Old 05-04-2018, 08:37 PM
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a bit sleepy, but that's all fine! need to get some sleep at one point!
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  #6860  
Old 05-15-2018, 12:28 AM
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A little annoyed. I've been waiting for Rebecca's (of Elvenstar Art) stuff to arrive and as soon as I was about to open up the thing, my mom asked me what I got. Sooooooooo! I got up and gave it to her so she could see. Then she opened up the little black bag with the necklace and pulled it out.

I wanted to say "Uhm, is your name Crystal? Did you spend hours and days pouring over page after page, trying to figure out what you were going to buy?!? Did you order it and wait a week for it?" but I didn't because she's my mom! Yes, it's my money but she's my mom So, that freaking annoyed me for a little bit.

But other than that, I'm alright! Can't really complain. I've just been bored and uninspired lately in my creative stuff like digital art and coloring. Been dealing with that and it's been pissing me off and making me really impatient! But otherwise, I'm quite okay I've been watching The Hobbit (they only show part 2 & 3 but never part 1! :/) on TV. One word: Tauriel
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  #6861  
Old 05-15-2018, 05:20 PM
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atm quite happy and content ^_^ afraid it probably won't stay that way this coming Thursday D:
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  #6862  
Old 12-23-2018, 11:35 PM
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Annoyed. Uninspired.

I just want to write, dammit! DX
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  #6863  
Old 12-31-2018, 11:42 PM
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mostly sadness but also thinking of what the new year could possibly bring in terms of positive change and growth
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  #6864  
Old 02-21-2019, 09:12 PM
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Incredibly depressed.

(Get it? Since I'm in another Incredibles obsession, making them the best thing to help my depression right now? Ha. Ha ha. Okay that joke sucked.)
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  #6865  
Old 03-01-2019, 06:50 PM
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kinda sick :/ from IBS I'm assuming
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  #6866  
Old 03-14-2019, 09:10 PM
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Dead.
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  #6867  
Old 03-21-2019, 07:58 AM
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Confused as all fuck? I went to my nephew's 1st bday party on Sunday. We all had a good time (despite some people missing and everything being stressful at the beginning). My mom stayed at my brother's house for 2 nights (she stayed Saturday and Sunday) and I enjoyed that Got up and walked over the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal at 3am and enjoyed the freedom. I haven't been left alone in the house since Dec.1st! And we're nearing April now. So. Anyway, we (sis and me) came back to my guest house and we chatted for a bit. Polite, observant but vague gossipy convo about one of our old neighbors/bro's friend. He's one of those "I'm better than you/look down on you" types. We were on good terms! As far as I knew, there was nothing wrong. No harsh words were said, no bad facial expressions made. Anything that happened outside of my sight, is, well....not my fault.



On Monday morning, I didn't feel so good. When I burped, the aftertaste was just ghastly! So, I made myself some mint tea and felt so much better within several hours. You know.......*Muses* For as much as I used to be depressed about how I was single, it's times like this that make me relish in the fact that I'm single. Anyway on Tuesday, I find out through my mom that my sis was laying down and my mom tried to wake her but my sis pushed my mom's hand away with her arm. Basically telling her to fuck off. I knew that she wasn't feeling well on Monday (because I noticed and she told us later that night) but I didn't know about her reacting like that with my mom. So harshly and without reason. Oh! My mom is mad at my nephew for skipping school and then at my sis for rewarding him by taking him to go eat at I-hop. Which my mom and me do NOT agree with! But as for my sister lashing out so suddenly, we haven't a clue! Like I said, we all had a lovely time on Sunday. I'm actually familiar with my sister's mood swings. She makes me believe everything is lovely one day and then by the next day, I'm left confused and wondering what I could have done (even if I indirectly or unconsciously made a facial expression and she'd take it the wrong way and use that against me). But her doing that to my mom....to my knowledge, she's never done it. Lately, she's been acting like we're the ones that ruined her life or something. She's been slamming things, walking and moving fast, washing her own dishes.



Anyway! In the midst of all this, I'm personally feeling amazing. Tamaryn's new album drops tomorrow and I'm excited to hear it. The two nights I had alone in my house did wonders to me. I got to be alone and free to eat in the middle of the night, with pretty music (like Tamaryn, Marissa Nadler or Cranes) playing softly in the background. It's a freeing feeling, I gotta tell you. It's oh so lovely!
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