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  #7396  
Old 12-23-2017, 03:56 AM
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Claire has me seeing flowers in a dirty way now. She posted a gif and now I can not unsee it! The gif that followed it....... was not so subtle as to her intentions Buuuuuuuut! I got back at her ^.^ It was cute how she got all impatient and frustrated. It's nice to know that I can still tease and (innocently/lightly) flirt effortlessly! I thought it was dead.

*Puts on sunglasses* I still got it!

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  #7397  
Old 12-23-2017, 10:09 PM
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I'm a huge loser :D
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  #7398  
Old 12-26-2017, 05:19 AM
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^ Same!
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  #7399  
Old 12-28-2017, 09:28 PM
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My life improving in the near future hinges on so many things going as planned, and it's so hard to trust that they will at this point.
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  #7400  
Old 12-31-2017, 01:16 PM
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I wasn't as productive as I wanted to be in 2017 but was still a lot more productive than I was in many previous years so that's something! xD
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  #7401  
Old 01-04-2018, 07:55 AM
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As of now, I am DONEcrying and feeling depressed. I didn't do anything wrong. If they both want to live in problems, let them fucking do just that but count me out! I just spent a fucking year depressed and not to mention completely traumatized (and suicidal) for months (Early February until late April)! I don't know where this strength is coming from but I am thankful for it! I suppose it's coming from last year and how I spent it in misery and trauma. That part that is just fed up with crying and carrying unnecessary guilt! I don't know, I just don't want to start out the new year like this. It's the first fucking week for fuck's sake and already! Already, they're fucking trying to start shit with me. I'm telling you, I was sitting on my bed, having a lovely time watching Lost Girl and thinking about good stuff. And the next thing you know, I'm crying and blasting Autumn's Grey Solace' "The Cell" followed by The Cure's "All Cats Are Grey". Like what the fuck?! Well, no more!

I wanna change this year, I really do!



I am not going to fucking ask my sis for forgiveness. Fuck that shit! She's been stealing money from me for yeaaaars! She hasn't really given me a reason to be trustful of her. Otherwise, why would my mom even be asking about the money in the first fucking place? I'm actually going to tell my mom this later on today. As for asking my mom for permission to buy anything (even fucking toilet paper!), I suppose I have to do it. I don't know why she's having ME (of all people! I rarely fucking go out! And if I do go out, it's because I'm out of necessary things)do this After all, it was my sister that decided to take 2 month's worth of rent money to do God knows what with it (this is why we were evicted from the apartment). I'm also going to tell her this! I mean, I guess she wants to know where the money is going since it was out of her hands last year (when we got evicted). I guess I can't be TOO mad at her. She just wants to take some bit of control back and this is her way of doing that. I honestly can not blame her for that.

But whatever, never mind all that. All I know right now is that I don't want to be depressed for at least a really long while. I also confess that I want to buy at least 1 item a month at Jack Off Jill's store! Fuck, that reminds me! I still have to ask her if lapel pins and tote bags are alright to purchase.

Edit: Although I understand why my mom is worried about where the money is going (what I buy and how I have to ask for permission for anything that I buy even if it's fucking toilet paper -.-), I think she ruined online shopping for me now. I kind of don't want to buy anything anymore and I kind of don't want to go out anymore.
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Last edited by Plague Kitty; 01-04-2018 at 08:14 AM.
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  #7402  
Old 01-04-2018, 10:35 PM
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if I don't watch a horror movie every once in awhile I like, crave to watch one.
I also admit I might have admitted this before but I have shit memory!
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  #7403  
Old 01-05-2018, 07:36 PM
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I'm admitting ChimeraDoll's voice is sooo annoying
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  #7404  
Old 01-05-2018, 07:37 PM
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but mine is even worse, luckily I don't listen to myself very often
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  #7405  
Old 01-05-2018, 08:39 PM
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I am admitting that CV is a big meanie head!!!!

I am also admitting that I might have told him what to post and I like his voice!
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  #7406  
Old 01-08-2018, 03:05 AM
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I thought this new year would be a really great start! I thought things would be lovely and it would be smooth sailing from here but it hasn't been. Yeah, I went to Citywalk a couple of nights ago and I bought some awesome necklaces but I didn't really have a lot of fun. Fun, I should have had with my sister if she wasn't such a conceited, paranoid, stupid fucking bitch! I was mostly a loner, just lagging behind, listening to music and losing myself being around a lot of people.

My sister continues to be conceited, bitchy and paranoid. Today, she was hyper-aware of my facial expressions. Like seriously, why the fuck does she feel that it's her job to be concerned with my facial expressions? What the fuck is she going to do to help? She's not gonna do jack-shit! She barely fucking knows how to help me when I have an anxiety attack so how the fuck can I expect or trust her to help me with anything?! I am just so fucking tired of her bugging me about my facial expressions! Just fucking let me be!!! Just please let me be I think I've wrote this in the past but I know how to take care of myself when I'm depressed or angry. Once in a while (depending on what happened), I reach out to a friend but mostly, I lose myself in music and making digital art, coloring in adult fantasy books. I just need her to fucking trust me on this! Let me be sad or angry for a while but I will be back to myself by the next day or whenever I'm over it! At first, it was nice that she took notice and was concerned. But years and years and years and years and years of this........it takes a toll and a whole lot of strength to not slap her!
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  #7407  
Old 01-12-2018, 09:26 PM
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I need to get a better schedule
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  #7408  
Old 01-31-2018, 03:23 PM
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I confess that sometimes I just want to tell Scott to give me my money back and send the box to someone else. But I don't and will not because he put it together for me (whatever the hell it is and it's been driving me insane and impatient) and they're rare things. Plus, he's been so fucking concerned in the past that the box goes directly to me (and that I live and stay in the address I gave him).

I messaged him to just send it in March instead. If something happens in March, I'm going to scream in frustration and start thinking it's not just coincidence anymore. It's like the universe doesn't want to have this box or something!!!!!! I swear, it's not like I'm opening up fucking Pandora's Box. What the fuck, universe!!!!!!!!! Just let me have this box of unknown rare things delivered to me without plans being changed or having to locate somewhere else!
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Last edited by Plague Kitty; 10-12-2018 at 11:20 AM.
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  #7409  
Old 03-21-2018, 08:24 PM
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I don't want to post in a certain thread because I like seeing who the last poster was :3
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  #7410  
Old 05-19-2018, 09:14 AM
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I confess that if my sister doesn't forgive me for kicking her out (because I wanted to relax and have no drama and now somehow, I'm the asshole for kicking her out, according to my mom) and she chooses to cut off ties with me, I won't panic and feel alone like I did on Thursday night. And if she forgives me and comes around, I'm going to have to have a serious journal-session! Like try to figure out how to avoid problems like this in the future. Maybe sit her down (if she's ready to have a real and open conversation) and maybe she can help me understand her? How to talk around her, what tone is safe to use, how to say things so they don't sound bitchy or offensive.

I've given it some deep thought yesterday and it occurred to me that I've always been alone. As a little girl, I was like Lindsey Wallace in the original Halloween movie I was always watching something on tv while my sister abandoned me to go off with some guy. Sadly, I had no one like Tommy to keep me company (and then scare me) but whatever. When I had a panic attack on a public bus (there was a lot of people and I felt trapped because I didn't know where to look and my mp3 player ran out of battery so listening to music was out of the question). I cried and panicked. I was aware of people looking at me but I just couldn't stop gasping for air and crying. I literally felt trapped. Anyway, the day after, I found out that while I was panicking, my sis wanted to slap me and she felt embarrassed for HERSELF. That's when my eyes were opened that she didn't care at all about me. Then another time I had another panic attack at home (thanks to something on tv. This is why I hate the news! It makes me paranoid) and she said that I was crazy and that I should sleep it off.

She was never there for me. It was always me that had to learn how to take care of myself. I was (and still am) basically my own sister. Yeah, she helps me out at times (I have social anxiety and things like the check-out lane freak me the fuck out. I have no problems with the actual shopping part. I can do that but I just can't deal with people at the register. It freaks me out so I have-had, if she cuts off ties with me-her kindly do it for me and deal with them since she's such a fucking people's person) but it's ultimately me that has to figure it all out in the end. So, I don't need her like I thought I did. If she doesn't forgive me and cuts off ties with me, so be it. Yeah, a couple of things will change but I'll find a good therapist or whatever I need to do to help me overcome it. Something tells me I'll end up being okay and fucking healthier because of her cutting off ties with me. It's not the end of the world. I won't die because of it. I'm not that scared abandoned little girl when I'd stay up all night, crying, calling out into the night (literally) and waiting for her to come home.

In closing, I'm not Lindsey Wallace anymore. I'm fucking Laurie Strode now, bitch

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Last edited by Plague Kitty; 05-20-2018 at 07:22 AM.
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